Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
