remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my liver is dry heaving
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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