You smell like stripper and shame
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
