his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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