his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
