He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
