Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
