Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
