I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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