i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
