I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
