I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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