Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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