My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
