Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
