omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
