Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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