and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
