apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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