I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My liver just had a heart attack.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
