yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
