sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
