I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
