Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
