Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
