Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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