just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
