he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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