well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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