I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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