I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
