I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
