Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
