So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
