They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
