Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
