I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize