So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
