Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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