i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize