Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
