So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
