maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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