i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
