Someone shit on the floor
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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