her vagine was all disorganized.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
