Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
