you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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