I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
