dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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