plz talk dirty to me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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