Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
