If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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