Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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