Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
