On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
