and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
