Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
