do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize