i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
