Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
