She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
