speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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