i drank out of a bidet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
