OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
