How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
