He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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