Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vagina is officially offended.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
